i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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