So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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