The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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