Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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