oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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