I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
this is an emotional support booty call
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
