Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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