They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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