A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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