Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
