Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
