I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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