Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
