I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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