Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
