yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
