listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
