I think i peed on brittanys purse
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
