Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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