everyone is single if you try hard enough
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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