i think i have two assholes
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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