I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
