i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
