im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
