mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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