When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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