I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
