I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I believe in your delicious
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
