opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Randomize
