"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
