I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
