I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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