There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
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I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
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pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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