Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
