Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
