woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
