I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
