hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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