i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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