You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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