i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
