I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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