Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
