his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
