If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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