you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
