I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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