can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
