is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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