I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
