better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
