Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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