I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
