margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
