This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
