i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
