Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
one two three fourrrrnication!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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