Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Watching her eat just hurts me
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
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