I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
