The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
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I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
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There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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